Aug 07

Full of Win

Go read this (there’s swearing, if you’re sensitive maybe it’s best you just skip this whole post):


Then this:

LJP: have you read The Bloggess today?

cimblog(™): not today

LJP: GOD DOESN’T DROWN PEOPLE!  You must read it, I’m giggling as quietly as I can.  Apparently because I’m going to hell too.

cimblog(™): reading now

cimblog(™): “Liz:  Ew.  Also, tampons don’t go in your womb.  If you’ve hit the womb you’ve gone too far.”

cimblog(™): HAHAHA

LJP: “You’re like Google Maps”

cimblog(™): “me:  Yeah, but sometimes he drowns us.  That “sometimes” is a pretty fucking big loophole.”


cimblog(™): teeheeee  nepotism  bwaaaahahahaha

LJP: “Good work. Love, Satan”


cimblog(™): BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA “way to leave me hanging, God.”

cimblog(™): delightful

LJP: funny stuff

cimblog(™): i wish i could swear more on my blog.  Swearing is hilarious, but then the bishop would see it and stop reading it.  Then call me into his office.

LJP: does the bishop read your blog?

cimblog(™): “but biiiiiiiiiishop…it’s just a persona.”  Probly not, but if i swore more…probably.  God would send him.

LJP: ha!

cimblog(™): Then god would drown me

LJP: would send him to drown you?

LJP: jinx

cimblog(™): YES.  I’m totally going to hell too I guess…

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Jul 18

How Do You Sleep Again?

For the last 11 days I have been fostering a couple of kittens. When I got them, they were 2 days old—eyes closed, ears folded and umbilical cord still on, quite helpless really—and thus started round the clock every 2-3 hour feedings. I haven’t slept in almost 2 weeks. No sleep makes me angry on the inside, it really does. I yell at cars, I drop things and then yell at myself and the things, inanimate objects cause me great stress. It’s not normal. I’m just so tired! This is a good likeness, actually:

But when you look at these, it makes it worth it.


Last night my friend LJP offered to do the 3am feeding. Seriously, (um I just spelled that word ‘seariously’ and couldn’t figure out why it was wrong) that is a huge sacrifice, LJP is in bed and asleep by 10 most nights. I was so excited at the prospect of 5+ hours of straight sleep. I’ve forgotten what that feels like. Naturally, I took her up on the offer before she could change her mind.

When I fell into bed this was what happened.

Me: aaaaahhhh
Brain: You’re so tired
Me: I know
Brain: You should sleep
Me: I know
Brain: …
Me: UGH, I’m SO TIRED!!!
Brain: You should be sleeping!
Me: I’m trying to
Brain: Go on then
Me: I’m trying
Brain: Why aren’t you sleeping?
Brain: I’m just trying to help
Me: Help me by SHUTTING THE CRAP UP!!!!
Brain: humph!!

12:30am kitten feeding

Brain: So you’re awake!
Me: watch it brain
Brain: I was just trying to help
Me: Quiet you!
Brain: …
Brain: Are you sleeping yet?
Me: No, I think I’ve forgotten how
Brain: Just relax
Brain: You don’t seem relaxed
Me: I will cut you!!!

It feels like I might never sleep again.

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Jul 12

Alpha Hummer

I’ve created a turf war.  I didn’t mean to, it just happened.

I’ve had a hummingbird feeder outside my front door with store-bought red hummingbird food and no one cared about it (well the ants kinda did, but that’s another story).  I decided that maybe I should try making my own food since I’ve seen hummingbirds in the yard.  So I did.  It was a HUGE hit.  I’m not sure if it was because of my stellar cooking skills or that I’m the only feeder in the neighborhood with BLUE food.  Either way, I win!  I made a second batch and decided to try a new color, YELLOW!  Um, just know that Tupperware in the fridge looks like you’re chilling urine and people look at you in horror.

The other day I was BBQ’ing in the front yard (yes, the front yard!) and I was watching the hummingbirds come and go.  There was one beautiful gold one.  I’ve never seen one that didn’t have the green color around its neck.  That guy though…he’s some kind of Turf Lord Hummingbird; they probably call him Godfather or something.  He would squawk and chase off every bird that came by.  Dude!  There are 4 drinking stations and plenty of food to go around, ease up a little.  He sits on a wire about 2 feet from the feeder and waits.  Waits for unsuspecting hungry birds and then pounces, I sort of imagine him getting out a tiny switchblade and saying, “I’ll cutta bitch!”  Guys, it’s THAT kind of story, I can’t look away!

Are hummingbirds always this territorial?

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Dec 16

Difficult Times

Like so many others, I have been deeply saddened by the events on Friday, 12/14/2012.  I realize that there was mental illness involved, I can’t help but think there was a little hell on earth that day in the shooter.  I cannot imagine the fear that must have been in that school, but also the heroism.  Like the story of the teacher who told her children to hold on to the person in front of them and close their eyes tight and not to open them until she told them they were out of the school safe.  God bless that teacher.  Or the principal whose quick thinking to flip on the intercom, alerting the school to the distress, probably saved lives. As the days progress, I’m sure there will be more and more stories of heroism.  For now, I’m sad.  Very sad, perhaps even irrationally sad, I don’t know.

As details continued to surface on Friday, I sat at my desk and wept openly, I couldn’t believe what I was reading and hearing.  CHILDREN…someone had shot CHILDREN. Innocent, tender, pure, little children.  Immediately, my thoughts turned to the 5 year olds I teach at church.  How could someone bear such violence to faces like that?

During church today my thoughts and prayers were for these families, that God would send my healing thoughts and prayers to help support everyone involved.  As I pondered these sweet children and adults, sent to a loving Father in Heaven far too soon, I had a vision (more of a thought).  In the Book of Mormon there is a passage of scripture where Christ is visiting the people of the Americas to teach them and guide them.  He asks the multitude for their children and blesses them.  It’s in the book of 3 Nephi:

20 And they arose from the earth, and he said unto them: Blessed are ye because of your faith. And now behold, my joy is full.

21 And when he had said these words, he wept, and the multitude bare record of it, and he took their little children, one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.

22 And when he had done this he wept again;

23 And he spake unto the multitude, and said unto them: Behold your little ones.

This was my vision.  All of those tender spirits being welcomed home, all too soon, into the embrace of a loving Christ.  I imagine his sadness as he weeps and blesses each one of them and welcomes them home.  I know there is a plan, and I know these families will see their loved ones again.  Until then, we grieve their loss and bond together to heal.

My thoughts and prayers are ever with you.


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Dec 02

We Need Our Own Show!

I posted the following picture on Facebook the other day….because it’s SO TRUE!

So I thought I would share some of our conversations with you.  You’re welcome.

effervescicide (for reference H/U was my therapist at the time)

OJai: hm, weird aftertaste from water cooler drink
OJai: blech
cimmy: ick
OJai: (or perhaps i am having a stroke?)
cimmy: OH wait
cimmy: stroke???
cimmy: really?
OJai: oh no
OJai: isnn’t…
cimmy: okay
cimmy: but I have a V.Funny story for you
OJai: one of the symptoms of stroke that you get a weird tinny taste in your mouth?
OJai: or something
OJai: ok, funny story
cimmy: I had H/U on sat.
cimmy: (not the funny part)
OJai: that’s not funny!
OJai: oh ok
OJai: continue
cimmy: and I was waiting for her
cimmy: and this guy came out
cimmy: and left and she called me in
cimmy: and said “i’m gonna do something for you.”
OJai: ??
cimmy: “that guy had a really bad cold, so I’m going to give you one of these Air born pills…it’s an herbal germ killer”
OJai: hahahaha
OJai: suuuuuure, it’s herbal…..
cimmy: me: eye brows raised “mmmm, okay”
OJai: hee
cimmy: (still not the funny part)
OJai: do tell
cimmy: so…I’m like, okay, I’ll give it a try
cimmy: so she hands me a pill and says, here you go, you just eat it
cimmy: me: hmmm, okay…
cimmy: her: it’s suppose to be lemon/lime
cimmy: so, I pop it into my mouth
cimmy: and immediately…it starts FROTHING
cimmy: and BUBBLING
cimmy: and POPPing
OJai: aaaaaaaaaaaack!!
cimmy: and my eyes start to water
cimmy: so I spit it into my hand and it’s STILL bubbling, it’s got a life of its own…no WONDER it kills the germs!
cimmy: H/U has also got one in her mouth and is panicking slightly and looking at the cover
cimmy: yeah, only you’re suppose to DISSOLVE IN WATER AND THEN DRINK
OJai: i was gonna say!
OJai: hahahahahahahaha
cimmy: …yeah, only I don’t recommend you just pop it in. I’m tough, NOT that tough
cimmy: Effervescent Health Formula…..
cimmy: yeah…effervescent if you want to explode
OJai: hahahahahahahahahaha
OJai: hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
OJai: heeeeeeeee
cimmy: I knew you’d enjoy that…
OJai: definitely
OJai: did H/U apologize effervescently?
cimmy: my therapist tried to effervesce me to death
OJai: that is SERIOUS
OJai: effervescicide
cimmy: ROTFL
cimmy: hahahahahaha
OJai: ha
OJai: let’s see a Law & Order about THAT!
cimmy: yeah!
OJai: just imagine all the wisecracks Lenny could make
OJai: haaaaaaaa


Save the chicken

QwendyKay: I hear your birthday is coming up
QwendyKay: happy birthday
OJai: it sho’ is
OJai: thanks!
QwendyKay: ahem.. I will now sing for you
QwendyKay: ahem…
QwendyKay: mi mi mi
QwendyKay: do me so la ti…
QwendyKay: ahem.. cough cough
OJai: any time now
QwendyKay: “This is your birthday song”
QwendyKay: “it is not very long”
QwendyKay: [*bows*]
OJai: *applause*
OJai: i thank you
OJai: wanna come to my party?
OJai: you can ride with cimmy
QwendyKay: I would love to
QwendyKay: but I’m going to the zoo
QwendyKay: to watch my son have a heart attack
QwendyKay: when he sees that cows exist in Real Life
QwendyKay: he’s obsessed
OJai: hahahahahahahahaha
OJai: that does sound better
OJai: wait…they have COWS at your zoo?
OJai: what kind of crappy ass zoo is that?
OJai: they had better be FOREIGN cows, at least
QwendyKay: hahahaha.
QwendyKay: welll yes
QwendyKay: it is the worlds crappiest zoo
QwendyKay: AND you forget
QwendyKay: that we have to drive outside of the metropolis
QwendyKay: 2 hours
QwendyKay: to see cows
QwendyKay: in this state
OJai: hahahhahaha
OJai: well that is a fact
QwendyKay: so.. yes.
QwendyKay: they put some in the zoo
QwendyKay: they have a working “farm”
QwendyKay: at the zoo
OJai: that is so ridiculous as to be awesome
QwendyKay: yes..
QwendyKay: funny random story about our zoo
QwendyKay: they recently re-did the zoo
QwendyKay: but prior to that
QwendyKay: they had a chicken
QwendyKay: that roamed freely
QwendyKay: and a handful
QwendyKay: of monkeys
QwendyKay: and “birds”
QwendyKay: but the birds were just regular birds that lived there in the trees
QwendyKay: so.. not much in the way of being a “zoo”
QwendyKay: so.. a group of preschoolers were visiting
QwendyKay: and watching THE chicken
QwendyKay: roam about
QwendyKay: very quietly standing there observing while the teacher talked about eggs
QwendyKay: my friend was there with her 3 boys
QwendyKay: to see the monkeys who slept all day
QwendyKay: and her son
QwendyKay: saw the chicken
QwendyKay: and ran over to it with his arms outstretched saying “ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR”
QwendyKay: and it flew away
QwendyKay: and one of the preschoolers started to cry
QwendyKay: considering it was one of 3 exhibits
QwendyKay: it was pretty sad
QwendyKay: but so funny
OJai: that is *so* going to show up on an ABC sitcom someday!
OJai: wowie
QwendyKay: it was so dang funny
OJai: that’s the best zoo story ever
OJai: i shall consider that your birthday gift to me
OJai: thanks!
QwendyKay: you are welcome
QwendyKay: my pleasure
QwendyKay: and I will be thinking of you
QwendyKay: as we use the portable Defribrilator on my son
OJai: oh please do


I want to go to New Zealand….a LOT! Any suggestions on making a little cash??

OJai: oh sorry
OJai: talking to friend
OJai: HI
cimmy: HI
cimmy: how’s friend
OJai: fine
OJai: friend’s wife has invited me to go to New Zealand with them
cimmy: GAH!
cimmy: I wanna come
cimmy: pffttt…
cimmy: no one invited ME
OJai: wanna bet???
cimmy: apparently, no?
OJai: i was just telling friend that a) i’m broke
OJai: and 2) i’m semicommitted to coming to see you for your bday
OJai: and he said
OJai: “Tell cim to come meet you in NZ”
cimmy: heh
cimmy: right on
cimmy: too bad we’re broke
cimmy: and CA is as far as we can go
OJai: no kidding
OJai: airfare is only $702 from LA
OJai: and? we have a free place to say in Auckland
OJai: friend’s wife’s parents are there
OJai: that’s the kicker
cimmy: dude, I’m totally looking up tickets RIGHT NOW
cimmy: LAX -> Auckland……straight through 5/10-5/19 …. $760.00
cimmy: let’s go
cimmy: let’s go
cimmy: let’s go
cimmy: let’s go
cimmy: let’s go
OJai: did i mention?
OJai: i’m broke?
cimmy: oh
cimmy: well, so am i
OJai: and deeply in debt?
cimmy: sell something
cimmy: sell Elisa
cimmy: i heard that story in the bible once
OJai: lol lol
cimmy: shoot I *really* want to go
cimmy: (sigh)
OJai: no kidding
cimmy: I’m getting a tax refund
cimmy: I can afford it!!!
OJai: ohhhhhh
OJai: maybe YOU should go instead of me
cimmy: that would be weird
cimmy: I barely know friend’s wife
cimmy: duh…
OJai: but you know friend
OJai: and he thinks you’re awesome
cimmy: heee
cimmy: he’d learn the truth
cimmy: if I went
OJai: (hm, i feel like my eyelids are feverish)
OJai: (is that weird?)
cimmy: (it’s cuz you can’t go to New Zealand)
OJai: (probably)
cimmy: :’C waaaaaaaaaaaaa
OJai: *sigh*
cimmy: sell Loren
OJai: he’d never stand for that
cimmy: oh
cimmy: Lana?
OJai: also, when i go to NZ i want to stay for weeks and weeks
OJai: cim, i really don’t think anyone i know is going to authorize my selling them
OJai: i guess it wouldn’t
OJai: hurt to ASK though
OJai: hmmmm
cimmy: well, if I remember correctly….
cimmy: you don’t actually need AUThORIZATION
OJai: aha
cimmy: you just throw them in a pit
OJai: just a good anesthetic
cimmy: and sell them to the first person that goes by
OJai: good point
OJai: but um
cimmy: yeah?
OJai: do you remember how that story ENDS??
cimmy: everyone goes on vacation and lives happily ever after???
OJai: lol
cimmy: dang
cimmy: is there ANY way we can get $700 for you?
cimmy: (besides the selling thing, which apparently you are against…pffttt!)
OJai: i’m just saying
OJai: plus, who would pay $700 for loren??
cimmy: oh, there is that
cimmy: hmmm
OJai: oh! maybe a wigmaker
cimmy: OH
OJai: his hair alone is worth that
cimmy: good thinking
cimmy: was just trying to see if anyone would buy Loren or Elisa
OJai: hahahah
OJai: any takers?
cimmy: some interest in
cimmy: L
cimmy: not so much in E i’m sorry to say
cimmy: maybe i wasn’t selling her as well
cimmy: shall work on the marketing pitch
OJai: vg
cimmy: seriously
cimmy: ask your mom if you can do something for them to earn $700….like mow the lawn (for the next 75 years) or something
cimmy: hmmm….I don’t think you’ll live long enough to pay that off mowing their lawn
cimmy: hm…how good are you at re-roofing ???
cimmy: laying concrete

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Nov 11

Europe in LA 3

Well, the birthday weekend is coming to an end.

Continuing with the European theme, I found a museum close to the hotel we are staying at called the Muzeo.  Their current exhibit is called Spanish Masters: Goya Picasso Dali and that sounded pretty promising.  The exhibit was quite small and featured just etchings.  Here is what I learned on the trip

1. Goya could have done satire in the Times.  All of the etchings we saw featured prostitutes, church and state.

2. Picaso was obsessed with genitalia.  I don’t think I saw a single piece of art that did not feature detailed private parts.

3. Dali collaborated on a number of movies including Spellbound with Alfred Hitchcock.

By far, my favorite collection was Dali.  It seemed more diverse and interesting (remember, art is subjective).  He also had my favorite piece of the entire exhibit.  I don’t know if you’ve ever had that moment when you see a piece of art that speaks you.  This piece took my breathe away; so simplistic yet so moving.

Titled Le Christ, 1964

After the museum we headed over to Downtown Disney to see Skyfall at the birthday girl’s request.  Really enjoyed it, had a few issues with a plot line but all together a good movie!  After the movie we meandered through some stores on our way to California Adventure.

The next stop was Carthay Circle Restaurant.  It’s a new high end restaurant in California Adventure modeled after the old Carthay Theater in Los Angeles.  This theater had special significance to Disney, the premiere of Snow White was held there in 1937 along with many others.  It’s beautiful inside, it’s like you step back to the Golden Age of Hollywood.

We got off to a rough start; we had a reservation for 6:50 but weren’t seated for nearly 20 minutes after that.  Listen, I can be a patient person but there are a couple of problems with this particular place, 1. We had a reservation, 2. they didn’t mention they were running behind at all, and 3. if I’m going to be expected to pay $40-$60 per person for a meal, the service better be stellar.  It wasn’t.

In the elevator ride to the second floor, the hostess tried to explain the restaurant and old theater, but she didn’t seem too confident in her information.  She didn’t even tell us Snow White premiered there, and that seems pretty significant.  I did learn there might be a statue of something that may or may not be a miner where the theater once stood.

We looked at the menu and were very surprised at the limited offering.  We had previously seen the menu, but they must have just changed over to the “Autumn Menu,” which we weren’t too impressed with.  Lots of fish and everything smothered, infused, or with grilled mushrooms.  We started debating if we wanted to stay or not.  We all figured there was something on the menu we probably could have gotten simply because we were there but also decided we didn’t want to “settle” on pot roast for $41.  We left.  Disappointed.  To be clear, none of us have a problem paying $60 a person for a good meal, but none of us felt like we should have to settle on something we didn’t really want and service that didn’t match the price.

In the end, we headed over to Disneyland and ate at Carnation Plaza where we could happily find something that we knew would be delicious.  And were happy as clams!

Due to winds at higher elevations the fireworks were canceled, so we road Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, watched a little Fantasmic!, did some shopping and had some warm drinks and sang Happy Birthday.

Though everything didn’t work out exactly how we had imagined, it was a great day and I hope the birthday girl enjoyed it!

Up next?  The Hotel Menage…also not what was expected.

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Nov 10

Happy Birthday

Today is Linny’s birthday.  This is an ode to Linny:

We’ve been friends somewhere around 20, I think.  She’s amazing at dates, so if I’m wrong she can correct me.  We met in church, and there are conflicting stories about how we met.  The TRUE story is this; elljaypea and I were roommates and had just moved into a new congregation at church.  It was our first Sunday there and we were amazed by music, the chorister was great and everyone was singing because if it.  We were making comments about it, all good of course! (she thought we were making fun of her, apparently).

A week or so later elljaypea and I were attending our work Christmas party at Disneyland, as we were walking toward Tomorrowland this woman jumped in front of us and said, “I know you two!”  We laughed awkwardly and said hello, both thinking it was someone the other knew, not putting it together that it was this woman from church.  I think later we figured it out and had a good laugh.

Linny had been going through a rough patch at the time, and I would invite her to things but she always declined because she wasn’t ready.  When we finally started doing things together we were fast friends and the rest is history.

I’m blessed to have a friend like her in my life.  She has helped me through some of the hardest times in my life.  I hope I return the favor often enough to balance it out.  She’s also usually my designated ride to the hospital when I have a kidney stone.

We laugh often, and I know I am a better person for having met her.

Happy fiftieth Linny, here’s to another fifty more!*

* for the record, I probably don’t want to live that long…too many parts that stop working!  ;)

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