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Jan 07

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It’s Not Right

I dread when the new year rolls around. All the questions about resolutions and what changes I’m making, it makes me break out in a sweat, frankly. Also, back off, that’s personal. What if my resolution is to stop taking drugs, did you want to know that I take drugs in secret? (I don’t) Now you’re all up in my grill about my drug problem and trying to schedule an intervention. (I still don’t do drugs) I just don’t need that kind of pressure. I’m going to let you in on a little secret, here’s the deal, fundamentally I am lazy. There, I said it, it’s out there for all to see. I.AM.LAZY.

 

There are loads of things I need to change and I’m not oblivious to it, in fact, most days the things I’m not doing weigh heavily on me. I’m pretty sure my clinical depression plays a part in it but beyond that, yeah, I’m seriously just lazy. Part of it is also I don’t know HOW to make the changes. I can make (and have made) a new year’s resolution to not be lazy. It looks like this:

 

Me: Let’s do something.

Lazy: Yaaawn, okay.

Me: Okay, what should we do?

Lazy: […] You’re asking me?

Me: Right. Let’s try going on a walk.

Lazy: That means pants and a bra.

Me: Oh, right, but we can do it!

Lazy: Okay, but remember how much you hate wearing a bra?

Me: Yeah, I totally do. Let’s just get off the couch.

Lazy: …but this is such a good episode of Intervention

Me: It really is! Let’s just watch this one then we’ll go.

[3 hours later]

 

I’m not even kidding that’s what it sounds like in my head (and having to put a bra on really does make me evaluate how badly I want to do whatever it is-sorry men, it’s true). I’m much better when I’m compelled to do something, when left to my own devices…say it with me…I’m lazy.

 

This year a couple of things have motivated me.

 

First, my good friend shared this article with me. Check out the article as well as my friend’s blog. It’s about action and while I don’t believe it’s as easy as the article makes it seem to be it makes loads of good points. Will it silence the Lazy in me? Probably not, but recognition and understanding is the first step, right? We’ll see. My favorite piece of advice from this is, “Judge yourself based on the actions you take – not their outcomes.” What if we try something and it doesn’t go according to perfection, so what, we tried something, we gained knowledge from it. This is so valuable. Too often we judge ourselves only on success or failure, this offers another perspective, success can be based on action and subsequent knowledge. I like it.

 

Second is a song that really resonates with me. Give it a listen and then we’ll chat.

The lines that really speak to me are:

 

She said, “Is this the life you’ve been dreaming of

Spending half the day away from the things you love?

It’s not too late to do something new.”

 

She said, “Open your mind, take a look within.

Are you happy with the world that you’re living in?

If not, you gotta change what you do.”

 

Don’t we all have things we dream of doing that we brush aside with excuses of age, or timing or resources or whatever? For me it’s time to make that change. I don’t know what yet and I’m not sure how yet, but it’s time for me to start living my dream.

 

I want to see the Aurora Borealis, I want to hug a panda, I want to design websites, I want to draw, I want to write more, I want to play in the snow, I want to surf, I want to walk on the beach, I want to overcome something scary, I want to feel free, I want to stop yelling at stupid drivers, I want to be kinder, I want to make money in social media, I want adventure, I want to let go of hurt, I want to not cause hurt, I want to fly a kite, I want to chase a storm, I want to walk in the rain, I want to watch the sun set from a pier, I want to swim with dolphins, I want to love my job, I want to be more patient, I want to play the piano, I want to spend time with friends, I want to cook more, I want to have meaningful conversations, I want to take beautiful pictures, I want to sell beautiful pictures, I want to help…

 

This is not all of the things I want-some are too personal to share here. I don’t know how to make all these happen, I’m not even sure I can but looking at things in terms of your dreams somehow makes them, to me anyway, more important.

 

What are your dreams?

Are you living the life you’ve been dreaming of?

And remember, if nothing else, “Judge yourself based on the actions you take – not their outcomes.”

 

Permanent link to this article: http://cimblog.cimmy.com/?p=1454

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